After reading Joan Sung’s Kinda Korean—a confessional memoir detailing her experiences navigating racism and Asian stereotypes in America, and coming to reconnect with her tiger mom—BFR editors had some questions for the author:

When writing the memoir, how did you deal with privacy issues (giving personal details about friends or family members that they wanted to be kept private?)

During the initial writing process, I had to write as if privacy issues were of no concern; this was the best way for me to write authentically and to write an uninhibited story. While drafting, privacy was almost a secondary concern. During the editing process, however, this was on the forefront of my mind and I naturally changed everyone’s names and made slight, unimportant changes to make events less identifiable. 

What was the process of revision like? Were there any chapters that you removed, and if so, why?

What’s funny is I did the opposite! During revision, I added chapters. There were heavy topics that I wasn’t ready to delve into yet because it felt as though I was reopening trauma wounds that I had not ever fully healed from. During later drafts, I wrote in new chapters because I felt ready to openly discuss things that I had spent many years repressing. It was honestly thanks to therapy that I felt ready to tackle these topics (such as an abusive boyfriend). 

Were there any old memories that came about in the process of writing about your childhood, and if so, how did that affect your work on the rest of the book?

It wasn’t necessary old memories, but fresh perspective. I wasn’t healed from my childhood traumas when I sat down to write the book—it was the process of writing that healed me and facilitated a lot of forgiveness between my mother and me; it was almost as if I was able to remove myself a little bit to see her with new eyes, a more mature understanding of how a mother with severe immigrant trauma could treat a daughter in a way that, to me, felt like such indifference, a lack of love. Now, looking back and reassessing moments from my childhood, I am able to see that someone who had seen the horrific things she had seen as a child (she escaped North Korea as a child), really did the best she could with what little socioemotional health she had. Not to say this excuses her behavior, but it does warrant forgiveness and grace. 

 How did you decide where to start the book?

It was during Covid when I decided, “Now or never.” I think the slightly unfortunate thing about writing during lockdown was that everyone and their moms decided to write a book, but there was a silver lining. I did not allow myself to create any excuses—it was go time. 

Was there a particular moment in your life that propelled you to write this memoir? If so, would you mind sharing?

It was when I noticed that my son was treated differently during his early years in preschool; he was discriminated against by his teacher and it was noticeable and it enraged me. It took me some time to realize it was racially motivated. Asian Americans are generally stereotyped for being rule followers and submissive (the Model Minority), but my son always marched to the beat of his own drum. He wasn’t disobedient, but he let you know when he wasn’t ready for something. He was always that way. Even when I tried to get him to walk, he would plop down on his butt and stubbornly stare at me. When he’s ready, he will blossom. But he will always communicate to you that he feels uncomfortable. His preschool teacher was relentless in letting me know that he was a troublemaker. I spent some time parent teaching at his school and I witnessed several uncomfortable moments between my son and his teacher. It was the first time I had really been introduced to racial bias and my child. Of course, growing up, I had seen it play out but I was too young to make sense of it. And now, as an adult, I can see the damage of people making assumptions about people just based on how they look. 

What was the writing process like?

I had gone through a memoir writing class hosted by Brooke Warner and Linda Joy Myers. It was fantastic. They focus on craft and effective memoir writing. You would think that it would be really formulaic (which I would hate the idea of), but no, they truly focused on the pitfalls that every new writer makes and it was spot on. The things they pointed out that were maybe unrefined in manuscripts were objectively ineffective. Their suggestions refined my writing. I would not be here without that class. I had the content, the material, but the delivery was improved by that course.

How do you overcome writer’s block? Do you have any tips when it comes to writing?

This is an obnoxious answer, but I never had writer’s block. I think because I had this trauma, this story weighing heavily on my heart, it almost felt like I would be crushed by the weight of it. I had to purge this story, this trauma, in order to survive. Afterward, because I was reopening wounds and diving back into unresolved trauma, I noticed I had a lot of rage and resentment. That was when I went into therapy and was almost forced to close many chapters that were not finished yet. And even then, I went back and revised some chapters based on my new perspective that I developed in therapy. 

How long have you been writing? And what do you enjoy the most about it? Alternatively, is there anything you dislike about writing?

I have been writing since as long as I could remember. Back in the early nineties, I would write on my dad’s old typewriters and word processors. I enjoy being able to be unfiltered, to let my feelings and thoughts flood pages. I love writing things that only make sense for me. And I think the thing I dislike the most about writing is when you want to share it with the world—and you want to go the publishing route—sometimes you do have to make your material more marketable, accessible, or even more palatable, for a general audience. Which, at times, I find obnoxious. 

What is your favorite line in your book?

“Its stiff little carcass was wrapped in tinfoil, like a leftover burrito.” I feel like I have to explain this one: This is when I found a co-worker’s hamster in her freezer… 

 Just for fun, what is your favorite book? Or favorites (if you have more than one). 

Ahhhh!!! I have no idea how to answer this…Born a Crime was FANTASTIC. Heavy by Kiese Laymon messed me up in the best way possible. My new favorite, though, would have to be Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. Vuong is the best writer I have ever experienced in my entire life. His writing made my life better. 

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Joan Sung is a national cultural competency conference presenter and consultant and has a BA in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing, an MA in English, and a Doctorate in Education. Her articles regarding Asian American voices have been published in TinyBeans.com, Mochi Magazine, Memoir Magazine, and Writerly Magazine. She lives in the Seattle area with her husband, her son, and two dogs.

Kinda Korean can be purchased here.