Rating: 4/5

Book Content Warnings: mentions of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and addiction.

“Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt from my long-term friendships with women.”
― Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love

Love, especially in its romantic variations, is advertised as an integral part of the complete human experience. And yet, it is not believed to be easily accessible to everyone. Mainstream American culture would like you to think of love as a prize to be earned, a commodity to be purchased (through youth, beauty, wealth…), a destination to be reached. The word itself is a congregation of so many different meanings and experiences that it, to many of us, becomes a bit of an enigma. In her debut novel, Everything I Know About Love, Dolly Alderton makes an effort at unpacking this giant emotional puzzle, giving an autobiographical account of twenty eight years worth of love and loss.

The novel is written as a compilation of anecdotes, with Alderton recounting milestones and notable moments starting from her adolescence. Sprinkled throughout the book are “checkpoint” chapters with titles structured as “Everything I Knew About Love at [Age X],”with the age increasing in increments as the chapters go by. A direct reference to the book title, these chapters are essentially a list of beliefs and wisdoms regarding Alderton’s views on love. These checkpoints serve as an anchoring point as the narration weaves between present and past, providing a sense of linear growth throughout the book. The readers grow with the speaker; we are able to witness the experiences that shift her mindset, giving us the sense that her words and advice are rooted in real lived experiences.

Alderton chronicles the men she had been involved with during different stages of life, some being brief encounters and some being longer relationships. As she moves on from Sam to Charlie to Graysen though, the names of her many female friends stay constant. There is a close focus on platonic relationships throughout the book, subverting the expectation that romance will remain the main course. While there is certainly no lack of discussions about romantic relationships, most of the men mentioned seem to carry at most a fleeting importance. It is the women in Alderton’s life with whom she is able to maintain healthy, lasting relationships; they are the ones whom she loves with the most fierceness and certainty.

In a cultural sphere so obsessed with romance and the nuclear family unit, “Everything I Know About Love” redefines friendship and its role in a woman’s life.

The language which Alderton uses to describe her friends is incredibly romantic. “In over fifteen years, I have never gone more than a few hours without thinking about her,” she writes about her best friend Farly. “Without the love of Farly, I am just a heap of frayed and half-finished thoughts; of blood and muscle and skin and bone and unachievable dreams and a stack of shit teenage poetry under my bed.” There is no indication that Alderton is at all romantically or sexually attracted to any of her friends, yet she does not shy away from writing about these connections with a burning intensity. In a cultural sphere so obsessed with romance and the nuclear family unit, “Everything I Know About Love” redefines friendship and its role in a woman’s life. Alderton and her female friends become each other’s primary support system through college into adult life, their love for each other almost unconditional. It is rare to see platonic partnership described this way in media, taking importance above all else and so full of genuine love that I can feel its sincerity through ink on paper.

The book effectively challenges the conventional view of relationship hierarchy: the belief that friendships should come second to romantic relationships, especially when it comes to women. Too often we see platonic relationships portrayed as place holders for romantic ones, but it is clear from Alderton’s writing that she considers her female friends the most important people in her life. They are the ones to give her reassurance and support when she most needs it, and the ones who helped her build a positive relationship with herself (self love being another under explored aspect of the broader topic of love).

The writing is approachable and engaging, giving the effect of conversing with a friend.

The novel does not shy away from heavy topics. Alderton mentions struggles with alcohol abuse and ongoing body image issues, as well as how they influenced her ability to give and receive love. Although upsetting, the story is able to handle these themes sensitively while remaining light hearted and humorous. The writing is approachable and engaging, giving the effect of conversing with a friend. Many of the events which are described in the story are quite mundane, yet Alderton is able to find meaning in them; she does a great job of evoking emotions in her readers without having to tell them how to feel, delivering simple statements with great emotional impact.

Whether you believe that you know all about love or nothing at all, this book is a fun and insightful read. Everything I Know About Love discusses the universal yet highly individual experience of love in simple, beautiful words. Although I, objectively, have very little in common with the author, I found myself resonating with many of the sentiments which she expresses, while marveling at how diverse different manifestations of love can be. This book is for the lost, the romantic, the resister, and everyone who loves.

—Sherry Wu, Fall 2023 Staff

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DOLLY ALDERTON is a British journalist, author and podcaster. She is a columnist for The Sunday Times. Her memoir Everything I Know About Love won a 2018 National Book Award for autobiography and was shortlisted for the 2019 Non-Fiction Narrative Book of the Year in the British Book Awards and adapted to the BBC/Peacock eponymous television drama series.

Everything I Know About Love can be purchased here.